she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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