Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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