There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
