Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
