Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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