We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
