drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
