youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
