What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
