Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
