Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
