Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
