My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
