i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
