evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
