My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
