he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
