im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
