Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
