What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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