he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
