Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
