Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
