I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
