D3 body, D1 cock
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
