At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
