New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
