I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
