You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
