I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
