I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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