we have pet lesbian snakes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
