you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
