i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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