i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
