i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
