I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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