i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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