i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
