The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Say something about gay babies.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
