this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
