Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
