I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
