My nipple is on Facebook.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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