Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
