I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You're like the curious george of whores
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
