I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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