So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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