it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
