Just cropdusted the office
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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