Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
