Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
