So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
