a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
