look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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