I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
