I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
