did you get engaged???
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
