Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
