sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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