my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
