WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
