i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
