Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
