Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
