We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
