There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
