I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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