How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Im part way to drunk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
