Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
