I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
