I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
