You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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