There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
