guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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