She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
