we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
