I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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