he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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