Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
