first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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