Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
