me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
