You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my liver is dry heaving
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
