Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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