im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
