I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
