Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize