i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I believe in your delicious
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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