i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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