Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
