Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
