Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sober January is a disaster.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
