508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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