i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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