I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
