theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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