why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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