Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
