I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
