i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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