Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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