I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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