Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
