He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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